Women in leadership in an organisation

Decades Of Change

Today’s “Managerial Woman” is certainly more prevalent in the business world. She (finally) benefits from four decades of supportive legal changes, and maybe even receives more societal acceptance than those featured in Hennig and Jardim’s book. But women today still fall short of their objectives - whether it be in the corner office or even the Oval Office – largely because they fail to understand the rules of behavior, the style of communications and the mode of relationships (Hennig & Jardim’s terms) necessary to succeed. And note that the subtext of Hennig & Jardim’s book was focused on survival, not success. 

In an effort to clarify some of the thinking of professional women of my generation, and to hand down the benefits of our experiences, I – with input from other professional women - compiled the following list of Ten Commandments for Women leaders:

10 Commandments For Women In Leadership

1. Hard work and excellence are important but they’re not enough. This is an important first step, but you and your competence need to be on someone’s radar screen. You don’t have to brag, just don’t pass up the opportunity to remind people what you’ve contributed when the opportunity arises. Too much modesty can easily get you overlooked.

2. Network.This is also how you share your competences with those who might give you a leg up. It allows you to share knowledge with others who need it, learn from those who can teach you, and create an important base. Lonesome cowgirls don’t do well in the business world.

3. Prioritize. You may be able to “have it all,” but not have all of it going well simultaneously always. When you juggle work, family, social demands, etc., you actually spread the risk: when one thing goes badly wrong there’s another corner in which to hide. But to make yourself crazy trying to do everything perfectly all the time is, well…crazy. And impossible.

4. Choose your battles. This is another form of prioritizing. Chose those which will create the most good for the company, for the family, for you. Err on the side of NOT sailing into battle. You run the risk of becoming a banshee.

5. Speak up. Recent research by INSEAD business school professor Horacio Falcao shows that one of the reasons women are lagging in the salary sweepstakes is their failure to negotiate. This may be a component of women’s belief hat working hard will get them somewhere – that efforts will be recognized by those who are in charge. This is simply not the case. Those in charge have other things on their minds. If there’s something you want, ask for it. It’s not impolite; this isn’t a tea party. Don’t be afraid that the boss won’t like you.

6. Dress well. Identify a female executive whose style you admire and copy it as best you can. Yes, like in high school. Even if you’re attached to your own style, you might find something to improve.

7. Use silence. Not to be confused as the antithesis of “speaking up.” Women talk more than men; they ramble, they forget the cutoff valve between mind and mouth. I have no statistics to support this – only memories of business meeting presentations made by women that went on far too long and ended badly. Silence is a useful punctuation on either side of a well-thought-out statement.

8. Do what you say you’re going to do. Do less, or say more, but make it balance. Deliver on the promise; make it real.

9. Stay positive. Not crazy Pollyanna-like Cheshire Cat grin happy; comfortable in your skin happy. Even if you’re not. Thinking of things that are going right will help you handle those things that are going wrong. Worry and pessimism only cast a pall over the realm of possibilities that could help.

10. Don’t sleep with the boss. Many do. Not smart. You lose.

Over the last couple years, I’ve had a front row seat to career challenges women leaders face across industries, geographies, worldviews, cultures, experience levels, and generations. Certain issues strongly correlate with specific identifiers, while others are universal. Both observation and conversations have given me an interesting window into the minds and hearts of women.

As accomplished as we are, and we are, there are counter-productive behaviors we unconsciously adopt that can get in our way. In some cases, they stop us cold before we ever step foot on the path to greatness. And even when we do achieve high levels of career satisfaction, these thoughts often cause stress along the way.

If you desire to be your best professional self and make the difference only you can make, here are five things you should stop doing. Today.

1. Stop making yourself small so someone else can feel big.

Ever meet someone who seems more comfortable when you’re quiet, disengaged, or otherwise minimized? Does it feel easier to hang back, because when you lean forward, he or she becomes defensive and starts angling for position? Newsflash: That’s not your problem, and you shouldn’t limit your contribution to make others feel better about theirs. Let me be clear. I’m not suggesting you abandon discernment and get all high and mighty. I’m talking about refusing to shrink in order to enhance another’s sense of importance. The most self-respecting way to help others is to truly help them – by sharing your ideas, offering your talents, and lending your energy and support. You don’t serve anyone by diminishing yourself.

2. Stop apologizing for having a difference of opinion.

I’m sure you’ve heard the saying, “If two of us are exactly the same, one of us is redundant.” It’s true. You don’t have to agree with everyone else. In fact, women at work tend to be more collaborative, more holistic in their thinking, and often take a long-range view of business issues. Your female view is additive, and you have an opportunity to meaningfully contribute to your company vision, culture, and strategies. Additionally, working through divergent points of view improves problem solving. By thoughtfully sharing your unique perspective, you can help your team make better decisions. Speak up.And don’t apologize.

3. Stop assuming you can’t have a family AND a career.

I met a woman at a conference earlier this year who expressed concern about her opportunity to be a mom and have a flourishing career. I understand the sentiment, but this woman wasn’t even married yet, never mind pregnant. It occurred to me that she was already succumbing to the narrative about work-life balance well before she had any real choices to make. Here’s the deal: If you assume you can’t, you won’t even try. Any woman who has successfully navigated both realms will admit that she absolutely has to make difficult choices at times. But it can be done, if you want to do it. What’s more, the sooner companies embrace creative ways to unleash the power of women’s leadership while respecting their various roles, the more desirable those companies will be in the eyes of female and millennial talent. This will help those companies thrive in the long run. Don’t deny what you want. Say yes to your goals, and honor your needs in the process. Everyone will benefit, including the women who come behind you, and the men who share the same needs but are less likely to request flexibility. If your employer isn’t supportive, I offer you the immortal words of my good friend and workforce expert Trudy Bourgeois: “If your company doesn’t work for you, don’t work for it.”

4. Stop compromising your health, for anything…especially work.

Every now and then, you need to hop off the hamster wheel for a bit. You usually know when you’re about to hit a wall. Don’t wait for it. Take a mental health day, plan a weekend getaway, hide in your bedroom for a couple hours. If you live with other people, ask them to give you some privacy. The older I get, the better I understand why people say good health is our greatest gift. Without it, everything else – deadlines, difficult bosses, challenging employees, shortsighted clients, projects going off the rails– becomes unimportant. Take care of yourself, physically and emotionally, so you can reach your full potential.

5. Stop confusing what you do with who you are.

I believe it’s critical to know who you are (beliefs, values, purpose, and skills), so you can align who you are with what you do. Job satisfaction increases exponentially when there is harmony between the two. But while they complement each other, they are not the same thing. Sometimes we attach our esteem to work activities, and when our performance takes a hit, our self-worth takes one, too. Feedback is a valuable and necessary tool – it allows you to refine your skills and improve your overall effectiveness. That said, you have to be careful not to interpret constructive criticism as a character assassination. It sounds extreme, but I’ve found that even though women know this in theory, we still struggle to distinguish between a job and a person doing the job.

If you desire a more fulfilling career, take time to reflect on which of your behaviors enable your goalsversus detract from them. Ask yourself, “What should I start doing? Keep doing? Stop doing?” Consider this list a springboard to start your own introspection.

Wishing you renewed energy in the months ahead, and the confidence to know you are worthy…and able!

Reference,

shellie.k (2014-16) '10 Commandments For Women In Leaderships', , (), pp. [Online]. Available at: https://www.forbes.com/sites/shelliekarabell/2016/05/14/10-commandments-for-women-in-leadership/2/#1fce53506754 (Accessed: 3rd June2018).

Tara,J.F (2017) '5 Things Women Leaders Should Stop Doing. TODAY.', , (), pp. [Online]. Available at: https://beleaderly.com/5-things-women-leaders-should-stop-doing-today/ (Accessed: 3rd June2018).